i-stalking

so i was stalking blogs for a while and it dawned on me that I was even looking into people's lives that before I felt so compelled to blindly hate or ignore. And in looking further into those lives, I saw so much of the same things I feel and think about myself. Goes to show that we truly are all on the same plane of existence and dealing with the same issues yet continue to categorize ourselves in such a way (you know my theory - fear) that we begin to segregate and distance our experiences from others and make it impossible to relate as people.

are we all caricatures? i feel like we are. I told Corey that I believed in the theory that people are all replaceable and that when you remove one type of person, there's someone to fill their role either in looks or personality (making originality very impossible.) he asked if we were original. 'i'd like to think we are, but probably not.'

the odd thing about blogs and the internet in general is that what you feel is a quiet release with the potential for friends to keep tabs on you, the entire world is keeping tabs on you. every moment. that you choose to discuss. i think most, including myself, get off on the fact of being so blatantly open and baring yourself to the world. i never know why i can't keep things to myself or 'be quiet.' and yet some things i wouldn't share with the closest of friends at times because i feel it's my shit to go through, or just private. i barely understand privacy. that's an understatement. is that why i'm afraid people are always keeping things from me and turning on me behind my back? am I afraid because I can easily see myself doing the same? I only fear what I might do.

i thought today how i'm not sure what i want out of my life. i'd love for this whole thing to take off and work because i'd enjoy the freedom of it. being 'normal' isn't something that interests me. grinning and bearing 'life' is not something i think i'm equipped for. i want to play by my rules. a life of swimming up stream is what I've got in store for myself i think.